Journal section
Area for brain fog
Little tiny place for keeping thoughts and memories. Memories are important to me, no mater how small. I am often forgetful and the act of collecting memories does my mind good.
2023 |
DATE | 1/10/2024
I'm happy! I'm so happy!
DATE | 1/5/2024
HAPPY LATE NEW YEAR!! TO 2024! PLEASE BE A GOOD ONE!
I have a lot of hopes for this year I really want to live them out...
.....
I contuine to feel really strangely about myself and I would like this to be the year that I grow out of it or learn to move on from thinking of myself in such a way.
When I think of myself, I don't see myself as desirable outside of being an object to be owned or possessed or dominated. It feels like what I've internalized due to past relationships or what I feel like has been proven to me.
I would like to be loved ( or even possessed! I don't. mind. possession. I just dont want it to be like it has been) on mutual terms...! I want to feel safe and not locked up.
DATE | 8/17/2023
Okay finally making a little post about it because I want to make sure I can look back on it and remember.
Back from my birthday trip!! It was so so so much fun I don't think I've ever been happier in my life even though I started getting sick(?) in the mornings on the last few days lel...
I ate so much good food and spent so much special time with my fave people. Seriously so very special to me
Also went to my first concert ever!!! Ever in my life!!! It was Death Grips!!
There were so many people packed in that small venue it felt like I was going to get smashed into bits!! Loved being gripped hard by my bf so that I didn't get lost forever! /|\
It was super super loud but I wore ear plugs haha
I got a shirt + hoodie...makes me happy when I wear them because I get to remember the experience all over again.
(pics from concert + shirt n hoodie :) )
We also spent a day at the arcades we normally go to! The smaller one also had a lupin shooter (tbh I kind of really love arcade shooters!). Got to play lots of DDR!! (my fave tbh I wish I was better at it..I'll work on it!) Played pop'n'music too!! Made me smile in my soul to do the battle mode...
I won stuff from the claw machines for us!!!!!!! I was so so happy I was able to get all of these things for us...!
this trip was just. very special to me...I'm glad I got to have such a good birthday and that I have the people in my life who made it so special...
I'm back home now and I mostly keep getting caught on how
I never realize how lonely I am until I'm alone again..
DATE | 8/1/2023
Another very happy win for me for my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ZCWO black jack figure ; _ : !!
This is fr going to be. one of my best birthdays I think. I'm so happy.
I'm happy! I'm so thankful that it's a good year...I'm so happy. I'm very excited for my birthday this year...thank you
DATE | 7/27/2023
I DID IT! I got myself a cel + sketch from vampire hunter D bloodlust q _ q !!
This is another one of the birthday gifts I got for myself..probably the last one!
It's of Meier ^_^! I love the sketch more then the actual cel but auhhh I'm just happy...I was able to get this without cutting an arm and a leg off too so I'm happy!
DATE | 5:51PM| 7/10/2023
Just ate the biggest fat burger of my life. Two cheese burgers + bacon strips + onion rings...
I'm straight up gonna die after that one!!
I also bought myself some more lolita pieces :) my b-day is on the horizon so I am treating myself accordingly!
These will be my first MAM + Cornet pieces!!!! Im so excited to coord them I hope they look good on me > . > !! I also got more N+H because...they are my fave...N+H FRILL is sooo good to me!!
In other life news...I now have TWO irl jobs!! To me this means I have THREE jobs! (Two IRL's + everything with my commissions/art!!) I feel pleased with myself I hope I can keep up!
DATE | 9:53PM| 6/24/2023
I'm so tired of mentally feeling like I have to make a disclaimer for everything I do.
For every action I actually carry out, theres at least 10 actions behind it that will never happen because I thought too hard about them.
I'm just stuck in my own head. I'm so confused and have been so stirred up by the confusion lately. I care too much about what others may think while also not caring at all.
My worst fear is loneliness, yet I feel most alone in my own body.
DATE | 1:10PM| 5/12/2023
IM DONE BEING A STUDENT!!
I finished my last, my final, final exam yesterday. I'm done....
I'm so happy I'm glad I stuck it out and that I'm done.
Im going to take a break from irl stuff and focus on making art/my art projects for a while.
DATE | 1:41PM| 4/8/2023
I found my really really old youtube channel when I wanted to make animations so bad and I'm crying so hard look at this.
Five nights at freddy's art im soseshker. I think I was literally like 15 or 14 or maybe younger...
And this screenshot from a mlp oc speedpaint...I still listen to toybox all the time
DATE | 12:59PM| 4/7/2023
I just have this terrible sinking feeling that something bad is going to happen.
DATE | 1:42am | 2/14/2023
actually I lied there is more I wanted to say
Ive picked up reading the black jack manga again and Im actually in love with him. Hes so handsome and has insane appeal.
DATE| 12:57am| 2/13/2023
I haven't updated the journal in a while because I've been so BUSY!! This will be a long journal post. Journal you are so important to me
My classes are picking up, I have so many projects I'm working on but this is the last time I'll have to do them so it will be okay I can deal with it.
I now have my dorm room to myself pretty much, my room mate moved off capus. They were nice enough to leave their fridge and microwave here for me!! I really appreciate it! Thank you!
. . .
Right now, I make and eat most of my meals in my dorm room. I get my groceries when I'm at home over the weekend, usually after my shifts at work since a walmart is within walking distance of the pet store I work at.
Usually I get things like smoked salmon..tuna..crab meat...chicken..pasta/rice and a few easy vegetables. I was able to go to the asian grocery store so I have a lot of soup bases and miso paste...and so many dumplings SO. MANY DUMPLINGS!!
I just cook everything in the rice cooker right now and it works out great! I love cooking things in my little rice cooker!!
I'm cooking soup dumplings in it right now even!!
. . .
because it was the day before valentines I was able to get a bunch of strawberries (and blackberries) on major sale..I'm going to freeze half of them to make them last longer and as just a quick treat :]
. . .
sometimes I think about how..if something were to happen to me, would this little site be a good representation of who I was? Its silly and scary...it motivates me to update things and add things.
I'll for sure have to work on updating things here this weekend...!
. . .
Okay I think thats everything! Bye for now ^_^ !
DATE| 12:14am| 1/20/2023
FIRST WEEK OF MY LAST UNI SEMESTER DONE! Yay yippee!
Back to my home room after spending a week in my dorm auhh I missed my room so much I missed it!
My first week of school went well though. I'm taking 7 courses so I just need to stay on top of stuff and I'll do just fine.
Don't know when I'll have time for anything other then school stuff but I'm going to make time, or else I'll simply go insane.
my head will turn into straight goo if I can't think about my funny characters and draw them and get time to just. Lay Down.
...
Ordered a few more lolita pieces for my wardrobe...its makes me really happy right now I'm glad I can share the interest and talk about it with a friend.
Can't wait to wear coords with them. Will be so much fun ^^
Gives me something to look forward too and a reason to keep going right now >:^D!
Things are well. I have plans.
It will be okay.
DATE| 5:02pm| 1/10/2023
your soul is tainted by immoral fujoshi pornography. find peace (copypasta)
DATE| 4:38pm| 12/29/2022
there was a mcdonalds tangy bbq sauce container hiding in my room. away with you.
DATE| 11:29am| 12/25/2022
MERRY CHRISTMAS! ITS CHRISTMAS!!
It snowed so much. There's also a wind chill. We are kind of trapped in our house for now, we aren't going to go to the places we normally go for christmas.
I'm going to make baked mac'n'cheese since we are just having our christmas dinner at home.
I'm going to watch movies with my family..this is a little bit of a different christmas but ah! so jolly!!
Very thankful for this year...I'm already thinking about my goals for the coming year.
happy holidays!
DATE| 2:08pm| 12/22/2022
I cant stop eating these little. miso pickles
I saw a youtube video on how to make them...where you just put cucumber slices in miso paste with sesame oil (sometimes garlic)
and they are so. good. Like just eating them with white rice + kimchi. its divine.
I find myself craving it all the time.
Its good though, it encourages me to cook because...I think its weird to eat them on their own! They are like a side dish. Need a friend to be eaten with!
DATE| 2:03pm| 12/22/2022
sometimes being on the internet just makes me so nervous
everything feels unforgiving and relentless, monetized and spotlighted
DATE| 5:00pm| 12/08/2022
Sometimes I wish I was one of those artists that just had like. Two or three ocs that I draw all the time.
I find myself thinking things like that a lot and sometimes I think it's bad for me.
I do the same thing thinking like...oh I should just stick to this niche within my art or try to confine myself to a certain aesthetic.
part of me feels like it comes with how commercialized everything seemed to be now...the concept of needing to sell yourself
but like, I am so many things.
Theres no way I could confine myself or restict myself like that. I try to encourage myself through thinkings like this.
I constantly feel very scattered but I also like what I do..
I wish I could make more.
DATE| 10:45pm| 11/29/2022
augh got done with my really hard uni exams. I am not super confident in how well I did but I'm very glad I'm done im SO GLAD!! now to start winter classes...weh..
I also got these cels for myself...getting back into cel collecting ^^! I want to make sure I have these displayed nicely.
Black jack (working on finding source/timestamp ) | Pet shop of horrors : Episode 3 – Despair (working on getting timestamp)
So so so excited for the pet shop of horrors one, it's like the one PSOH cel (genga) that I could actually buy. So many other ones are on really old sites that haven't been touched since 2015
one day I will get my hands on a cel of count d!!
I also got my innocent world set and another lolita jsk..!! I think it looks very nice on me I'm pleased ^^. I'm very happy about that.
okay bybye
DATE| 8:00pm| 11/11/2022
I just tried to do nothing today...I worked on comms and got to eat a nice dinner with my family. I'm about to celebrate yaoi friday with my friends.
I got to go to a book store and they had a very small anime/manga section. I got book one and book two of vampire hunter D, I look forward to reading them when I get some down time...uguuguuguh! Im almost done with this semester but I signed up for winter classes...
Worked on a new type of commission style I want to offer...I'll probably make a few more of mine n friends ocs before I offer them officially! But cute :) Little tiny 3d things...I wanted to go for something more ps1 styled but they are whatever this is...(wip shot...)
ALSO IT IS SAMATOKIS BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!! I need to make my shrine for him today I think that would be so funny to have my website shrine for him made on his birthday !! I have to do it!!
DATE| 11:23am| 28/10/2022
finally the weekend finally I have some free time to draw and relax uuuhhhhghhhhh!!
I did good this week though. I spent time studying for my insect diversity course and I started reading Rose of Versailles. Desperately want more time just to be able to laze around drawing and reading. Almost done with my studies. Almost done. I scheduled out my last semester, almost done.
DATE | 10:19pm| 23/10/2022
JSK PIECE I REALLY WANTED TO GET SOLD! VERY FAST! VERY FAST, I HAD JUST LOOKED AT IT! AND IT SOLD WITHIN THE SAME NIGHT!! WOE IS ME!
DATE | 23/10/2022
I want to draw so bad I want to draw. I dont have enough time to do everything I want to do. Have to study my muscle structures for my comparative vertebrate class..!
I read Riyoko Ikeda's "Claudine". It was really good I'm a fan, though it was tragic and I wish Claude had been referred to as him by the narrator since! That was a man! I really want to read more of Riyoko's work, Rose of Versailles is probably what I'll read next!!
DATE | 21/10/2022
GOOD DAY GOOD DAY!!! I am very happy. I got to spend most of the day watching breaking bad with my best friend ^^. I got very nice cool art of my ocs and had a fantastic dinnner...I really want to clean and re-organize my room. There are lot of items here that need to be rehomed
I bought these items today...
